Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
