im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
