We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
