is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize