i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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