): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
