my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
