no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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