The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
