So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sorry my hands just texted you
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
