she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
