that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize