My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You took a bar mat shot.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
