I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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