definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
