@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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