I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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