hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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