Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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