The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
third nipple confirmed
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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