did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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