i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
