I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
A bitchslap is in order.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
