the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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