I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
