Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
