I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
