p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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