I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
from now on my penis is your penis
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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