I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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