naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
