i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
