and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
