how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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