your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
