do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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