hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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