420 ftw
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
