i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
