Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Boobs speak an international language.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
