theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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