meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
