I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
