I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
