Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
