that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
