Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
