hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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