I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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