At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
