my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
