Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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