so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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