I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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