I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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