I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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