last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
