I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
