8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize