that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
