I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
