i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
