i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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