Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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