btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize