I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize