I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
