If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
